i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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