Soap is not a condiment
i love accidental penises.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize