i may or may not be watching the land before time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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