i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize