what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
we're so committed to being not committed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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