a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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