It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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