i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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