Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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