11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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