apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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