so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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