i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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