just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize