I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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