what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize