Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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