you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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