I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize