At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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