I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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