you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize