She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
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I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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