I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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