The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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