An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize