she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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