is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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