theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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