I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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