smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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