Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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