I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize