So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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