We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize