I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize