How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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