So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didn't notice because vodka
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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