So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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