I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
