I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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