I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize