dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize