The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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