Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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