so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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