Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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