Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize