saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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