i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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